July 17, 2015

Everything changes. We know this to be true and yet we deny it. We sit in the same place in our yoga class, we do the same asanas, we order the same meals at the same restaurants, we think the same thoughts. We try hard not to change.

I am in Nova Scotia taking care of my elderly parents as a I write this. Both of my parents are struggling with age related issues: my father has dementia and my mother is dealing with chronic and severe pain from a combination of issues. As a result of their situations, my sisters and I are constantly making life-altering decisions for their care and well-being. When introduced to the newest change in the form a reclining chair, my mother lamented, “it’s so much change.” How true! My parents’ world is in flux. Their health is changing (body and mind), their independence is changing, their community is changing as the small subsistence level farms are being bought as country homes for Haligonians and their cultural norms are changing as my sisters and I are the first generation not to return to take care of the farm and them. So much change!

Our yoga practice is this capsule of change but we prefer to call it only by half of its name, progress. We work with diligence to shift our physical capacity to perform asana over years of practice. With some degree of difficulty, I remember when touching my toes was impossible as I bend forward with assurance of meeting that milestone. I notice how my mind has grown accustomed to the new norm and I rest in a certain satisfaction of my progress. Change is positive.

More importantly, though, our time on the mat is a monitor of even smaller change. One day Adho Mukha Svanasana (downward facing dog) is the easiest pose of the practice and another it’s the hardest. One day I kick effortlessly into Handstand and another I don’t make it up at all. If our practice is a set sequence, the daily differences may be even more apparent. We do change – daily, in subtle ways that would be unnoticeable without the reflection offered by the practice. This change is not linear, not progressive, not always positive and deeply in flux.

Perhaps it is watching these fluctuations which is the more potent part of the practice. Maybe as I watch the subtleties of these changes and make peace with them – especially the days when practice is not smooth and effortless — I will become more at ease with the big changes. If I am not critical, aggressive or passively accepting that this is the new norm, I will balance the surrender and effort needed to meet life challenges. Maybe one day I will be able to let go of Eka Pada Rajakapotasana (pigeon 1) —- which honestly gives me a bit of an ego thrill each time I do it (check out my Instagram and you will see more of that pose than others :)) —- with Grace. Maybe ultimately I will let go of this body with Grace. May this be true.